My 100th blog post…
I never thought I would get here, especially since last August I had it in my mind to quit blogging and did take a few months off. I always thought it was fitting that I only started blogging in December 2011 to get closer to someone. I’ve been dealing with some self-doubt lately, a lot more so than I’ve had in a while I guess. About me, blogging, but mostly about my writing in general. I’ve always been my own worst critic but that is true with most writers or artists. And it seems the more I dig into my manuscripts, as I’m trying to make that push with a specific goal in mind. The more I’m plagued with those thoughts and doubts that eat at the back of everyone’s mind. Just for the past several weeks I have zero focus.
I have never really had any support as a writer at least not until the past year and half. I know most of it is my own fault. I have trust issues about letting people in but that especially goes for trusting others with my work. Also the feeling of just not being good enough. Or not ready. Or as simple as being afraid of feedback on my writing. Yeah we all want the glowing praise…but if we get something like that, I don’t know about anyone else. But I never trust it.
To date I’ve only let two people read any of my longer work. One of the people who I let read Ulysses when she was done her note simply said “This is where I run out and get the sequel”. Of course that was probably the biggest ego boost I’ve ever gotten. But I trusted her words mostly because though she told me the good, she didn’t hold back with the bad even though we both knew going in Ulysses was in rough shape (first draft). Before that I never had someone inspire me. That made me feel like this is what I was supposed to be doing. That the one thing I wanted to do was in my grasp and they really had a lasting effect on me as a writer (okay, not just as a writer but all aspects of my life). And gave me a confidence and a motivation to push myself in a way I’ve never had before. To say I should pursue this goal. Not like they did.
Since NaNoWriMo 2011, I’ve met some extremely talented writers. Some already in a position to realize their dream and others on the same creative journey. And in that time I’ve realized just how much writer’s rock. You’re amazing! I just wanted to say Thank You. I wish everyone the best, and may dreams come true.
My current progress … And at least at the moment where my big four projects are sitting.
Howling Moon – my werewolf novel- I’ve read through it twice since mid-December, making edits, cutting the length down. Now it’s at the point that I can’t really do anything else to it without someone else taking a look at it.
Heart of Quila – while I’m working out specifics with HM, I’ve decided to push working and editing this fantasy story I wrote back in 2005 and have worked on it a lot since. But now I have a clear picture of at least knowing where it needs to go. And it is currently at 90 k and I’ve found myself wanting to cut that down some which is going to take some reworking of some scenes.
Ulysses – is stuck. I’ve worked a lot on the sequels, planning, plotting, even writing. But because of how close this story is wrapped up to me. How personal it is to me and connected to certain aspects of my life and such. I can’t seem to bring myself to edit it at this time. I find it easy to work through the sequels, and finding stuff to add in to the first book making it a more fluid story connecting what is a planned three books at this time. Even though I think it is my most complete, best work… it is also the one I feel I have to put aside until later.
Destiny’s Path – my Fantasy Gladiator story….that started out as a Five Sentence Fiction piece….turned into last years JuNoWriMo …is something I know I will work on this year. Sitting at 45k right now, and I know more now where I want the story to go. And how to flesh it out. Darwin and the prophet as he faces down his destiny.