Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Approaching Darkness

((Wrote this for something else awhile back but for some reason didn't post it.  May have been the length or maybe I just wasn't happy with it.  But find myself wanting to post it now.))

(Don't own the picture, found it on goggle)   

His heart raced as if it was going to explode.  It was just a simple message.  The smile on his face and the feeling in his stomach was something he had not felt in ages.  Though it was nothing more, a simple hello but it had been months since they had spoken.  A year since he had seen her even if every time he closed his eyes he saw her beautiful smile as if it had been a minute before.  They were no longer the friends they were let alone the couple they had been.  He knew his faults; he was far from perfect and the first to admit it.  So much of it was his own doing.  Too often he knew the thoughts in his mind and just didn’t know how to say them as he had never felt that way before.  He didn’t know how to say those words in the way they deserved.  The enormity of how much she meant to him.  He had never loved anyone before her.  Not like that, not when every thought was of her.    Not when he would find himself smiling for no reason other than she was a part of his life.  He knew he had never let anyone into his life, his mind, like he did her.  She had begged it of him over and over but it only seemed he could say it on paper and even then it was too late for them.  He could say ‘I love you’ but knew that wasn’t enough.  It did not adequately describe just how he felt about her and she deserved more.  He knew she deserved more than he could ever give her in life, the only thing he could offer was his heart.  She still had it even now after all this time even though he knew she had moved on.  He had returned the message, just as simplistic as hers but in his mind the thoughts were there knowing what he wanted to say but couldn’t.  Not now.  That she was enough.  She was more than anything he could have ever imagined for himself.  She was all he ever wanted.  She was perfect.  Friends had told him there would be others.  He had told himself there would be others.  But he knew none would quite fill his heart with the happiness she did.  He left the message off with a simple I miss you as he shut his laptop and looked out at the approaching darkness. 

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