Sunday, July 22, 2012

Friday Night Write: Far From Home

Friday Night Write:  Far From Home

(Click the title, will take you to the link to show you what it is all about)

My Entry:

A ballet of thunder and lighting lit up the night sky; the winds had picked up blowing a cold breeze across the lake. Sitting on the top of the picnic table with her feet resting on the seat, Naomi watched the glow from the tip of her latest last cigarette with a forced smile. She traced the cross tattoo on her wrist with the tip of chewed fingernail on her free hand. She could almost hear them now, the laughing, the mocking I told you so. All she really wanted was for someone to say those simple words: it’s going to be alright. 


She gave the young mechanic a passing glance trying to hide her dislike of being called ma’am, her intense green eyes burning through him. Everything about the word made her feel older than she was. 

“Roy says it can be fixed but it will take a few days to get the parts and get back on the road.”

A couple days she did not have to waste and another bill she could not afford to pay. Thousand miles from anyone she could ask for help even though she was sure if they were just a five minute walk away it would have been useless to even ask.

“I think it’s going to rain miss.”

Naomi smiled as she dropped her head, locks of brown hair fluttered across her forehead as she watched a long line of ashes fall to the ground. “I like the tattoo.” She turned to see the young man and his eyes glued to the dragon head peeking out of her collar, she blushed knowing the young man would really be impressed with how large it stretched down from her neck, the whole of her back and around her side to her stomach. 

“Tell Roy to get the parts.” She gave the young man another glance, but only a moment before she again looked out over the lake and the clouds racing across the night sky. She forced a half smile as the young man gave her a sly smile and quickly retreated from her side. She could feel the tears begin to swell behind her eyes with a loud crack of thunder off in the distance.

With her free hand she pulled the necklace from her shirt and the small golden pendent; the last thing she had of her mothers. She knew it was worth more than enough to pay to have her car fixed and get her a long way from here. Further from the place she was running from. She held a tight grip on it in the palm of her hand, and whispered a silent prayer. No matter how bad things got, she knew her mother was there looking over her shoulder with or without the necklace. Naomi could hear her mother in her soft voice telling her exactly what she needed to hear, that everything was going to be alright.


  1. Well done you! I like that you went for a bit of a character study with this. You did it well.

    by the way, I love this line: 'he traced the cross tattoo on her wrist with the tip of chewed fingernail' (wish I'd written it!)

  2. I really want to know what she was running from, so much emotion in this work. Really good

  3. Beautifully portrayed moment of hopelessness and yet there was some. How many of us have had to rely on the words in our hearts for support, when all else seems dark. So nicely drawn. And I do have a soft spot for a girl with INK. Lovely.

  4. Love that opening line: "A ballet of thunder and lighting lit up the night sky." So curious to know what she's running from!! Really wonderful piece!!

    Thank you so much for participating!! :)

  5. Love the air of mystery in this, and the way the weather reflects Naomi's stormy emotions. Really nicely done, Stephen!

  6. This is fantastic. Such clarity in the setting, the mood, the temperature both physical and emotional. There is both tension and release, despair and hope...really, really well done!