Five Sentence Fiction – Silence
Achskel stood in silence, he awaited Commander
Veron to acknowledge him and a uncomfortable sweat ran across his forehead as
he heard the bones crunch in his commanders mouth thinking it had been days
since his last true meal. If the
situation had been reversed Veron would have had him lashed for the tormented
wait instead he grinned with the grease from the duck still on his lips, “What
is it?” he grunted with a sly smile which highlighted the scars across both cheeks
from the corner of his mouth.
“The prisoner, she has been readied for your
presence,” Achskel stuttered, his clammy hands twisted behind his back he
watched as Veron sucked the remaining grease from his fat fingers but looked at
him the entire time with the same intense, evil glare the prisoner had given him.
A laugh, closer to a growl escaped Veron, “She
killed ten before we were alarmed of her presence and almost ten more from the
moment the bells rang, has she said anything of who sent her to assassinate me?”
Achskel trembled, his eyes adjusted to the
floor in front of him and heard the low growl from his commander again before
he spoke, “Mi’Lord, she has no tongue...she bite her own tongue off when she
was finally captured.”
For more Five Sentence Fiction check out
Lillie McFerrin’s blog.
This is actually really a good snippet, Ash. I like it!
ReplyDeleteI'd have split it in more sentences, would be quicker to read. However, you convey atmosphere, character and world very well. :)
Thank you.
DeleteAnd yeah I'm thinking of using this elsewhere in a longer piece and if I do i'll be split up more. With richer description of the two involved, etc.
Ashviper... Steven, sorry. Why not use your real name with Blogger? Where does "Ashviper" come from? :)
ReplyDeleteHeh, shows how much I pay attention to my own blog....I thought I did have my name displayed there, lol.
DeleteAshviper - I've been asked that several times. I wish I had a clever or interesting answer but honestly I use it as another way of saying dragon. :) I've pretty much loved everything dragons since I was a kid. I've used it as a handle online for years and I really can't tell you where I heard it.
The final sentence really packed a punch!
ReplyDeleteGreat writing!
I'm visiting from Five Sentence Fiction.
Thank you. :)
DeleteThis felt like it might be part of a novel or longer short story. If it isn't, it's got the seed for one.
ReplyDeleteNice tension, and interesting ending, definitely would be done justice as a larger piece. I got a bit of a Darth Vader image from Commander Veron - the fear he encouraged through silence.
ReplyDeleteFascinating characters...and a painful final sentence, that's one way to avoid talking to the enemy!
ReplyDeleteCreative use of the prompt. I could hear the lip-smacking as Veron sucked the fat from his fingers. A great submission which I enjoyed reading!
ReplyDeleteSteven, you had me from the bone crunch to the bitten off tongue. What a great job...I could envisage the entire scene. WOW!
ReplyDeletesounds like the makings of a good story, will be waiting for more...
ReplyDelete