Five Sentence Fiction – Your Choice (Shiver)
She watched the blood trickle from
her thin fingers; the adrenaline rushed from her body as a shiver crept up her
exposed body from the cold night air. She
had forgotten the thrill, the pleasure of unhinged violence, after all Witness
Protection frowned upon murder by those under their guardianship.
It had all happened so fast, seeing
Victor with his two mammoth bodyguards in the farmers market nearly two thousand
miles from her past life and the thought even crossed her mind they were there
for her. She was almost disappointed he
didn’t recognize her from the start even with her strawberry hair and no make
up but all he cared about was what was hidden in the tight jeans. It wasn’t until she removed her shirt revealing
the scar he himself had given her years before, he spoke her lost name in a different tone, “Jenika”.
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Well done Steven! That is shiver inducing and a great setting for a tight short story. Really liked it!
ReplyDeleteWow, you really built the suspense perfectly! I was practically shivering at the end, and now I am dying to know more...This could easily be turned into a longer piece.
ReplyDeleteHadn't considered writing a longer piece to this, but who knows. One day. And thank you.
DeleteI totally shivered!
ReplyDeleteBags of atmosphere in this, and sent a shiver down my spine. Great piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you. :)
DeleteConcerning what Claire said, yes, please! I would love to see this turned into a longer story. I really want to know the origin of that scar.
ReplyDeleteThis is very well written too; the bit about Jenika being disappointed about Victor's bodyguards not being there for her was quite enjoyable.
/ Rain
Really good! I like how it has the layers and depth in such a short space. Nice :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Lillie. :)
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