Sunday, April 22, 2012

Five Sentence Fiction – Your Choice (Shiver)


Five Sentence Fiction – Your Choice (Shiver)

She watched the blood trickle from her thin fingers; the adrenaline rushed from her body as a shiver crept up her exposed body from the cold night air.  She had forgotten the thrill, the pleasure of unhinged violence, after all Witness Protection frowned upon murder by those under their guardianship. 
It had all happened so fast, seeing Victor with his two mammoth bodyguards in the farmers market nearly two thousand miles from her past life and the thought even crossed her mind they were there for her.  She was almost disappointed he didn’t recognize her from the start even with her strawberry hair and no make up but all he cared about was what was hidden in the tight jeans.  It wasn’t until she removed her shirt revealing the scar he himself had given her years before, he spoke her lost name in a different tone, “Jenika”.

For more Five Sentence Ficition check out Lillie McFerrin’s blog!

12 comments:

  1. Well done Steven! That is shiver inducing and a great setting for a tight short story. Really liked it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow, you really built the suspense perfectly! I was practically shivering at the end, and now I am dying to know more...This could easily be turned into a longer piece.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hadn't considered writing a longer piece to this, but who knows. One day. And thank you.

      Delete
  3. Bags of atmosphere in this, and sent a shiver down my spine. Great piece.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Concerning what Claire said, yes, please! I would love to see this turned into a longer story. I really want to know the origin of that scar.

    This is very well written too; the bit about Jenika being disappointed about Victor's bodyguards not being there for her was quite enjoyable.

    / Rain

    ReplyDelete
  5. Really good! I like how it has the layers and depth in such a short space. Nice :)

    ReplyDelete