Friday, January 13, 2012

Happy Friday the 13th

So I sat down to write my Five Sentence Fiction for this week and I wanted to do something different.  Well different for me as I planned on doing it in first person.  I didn't really like what I came up with but after the amazing Lillie McFerrin (she truly is a great editor) was done with it I just had to post.  She deserves just as much credit as me.



The only break in the inky darkness is the fire she pokes at with nervous enthusiasm. I watch on her movements, focusing on the exposed flesh begging to be sliced. Soon there will be lighting, thunder, and rain, a symphony to drive the machete in my hand. I know what path she will take even before she does and I won’t have to hurry to beat her to her end. I drag my eyes away for a moment, glancing at her bludgeoned boyfriend at my feet, and know once the thunder begins she will soon lie beside him.

7 comments:

  1. "...a symphony to drive the machete in my hand", I can't get over that imagery - Wow! This is scary Steven and very powerful.

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    1. I can't take all the credit, Lillie did a lot in making it so good!! In fact she deserves more credit on this than me!

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  2. Great post! You seemed to have combined both lightning and horror! How cool is that?

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  3. This is definitely a spooky story. I had to read this line a few times "and know once the thunder begins she will soon lie beside him." It added to the voice of the story very well and was a great ending.

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  4. Wow, what an amazing piece! It feels like so much more than five sentences, almost a whole story in the course of several words. You and Lillie did a wonderful job with this one!

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  5. Thank you all so much for the comments!

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  6. Thanks guys. We were happy with the way it turned out, too ;)

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