Friday, January 13, 2012

Happy Friday the 13th

So I sat down to write my Five Sentence Fiction for this week and I wanted to do something different.  Well different for me as I planned on doing it in first person.  I didn't really like what I came up with but after the amazing Lillie McFerrin (she truly is a great editor) was done with it I just had to post.  She deserves just as much credit as me.

The only break in the inky darkness is the fire she pokes at with nervous enthusiasm. I watch on her movements, focusing on the exposed flesh begging to be sliced. Soon there will be lighting, thunder, and rain, a symphony to drive the machete in my hand. I know what path she will take even before she does and I won’t have to hurry to beat her to her end. I drag my eyes away for a moment, glancing at her bludgeoned boyfriend at my feet, and know once the thunder begins she will soon lie beside him.


  1. "...a symphony to drive the machete in my hand", I can't get over that imagery - Wow! This is scary Steven and very powerful.

    1. I can't take all the credit, Lillie did a lot in making it so good!! In fact she deserves more credit on this than me!

  2. Great post! You seemed to have combined both lightning and horror! How cool is that?

  3. This is definitely a spooky story. I had to read this line a few times "and know once the thunder begins she will soon lie beside him." It added to the voice of the story very well and was a great ending.

  4. Wow, what an amazing piece! It feels like so much more than five sentences, almost a whole story in the course of several words. You and Lillie did a wonderful job with this one!

  5. Thank you all so much for the comments!

  6. Thanks guys. We were happy with the way it turned out, too ;)